Panic! At The Ophthalmologist

panickingIt’s about the time for me to get my regular check up and I have been panicking. I have felt like my keratoconus has been stablizing for the past year (at least my nearsightedness) but I am never sure until I go and get checked up. I know if I do need a transplant, it’s not the end of the world but it will disrupt my life dramatically for at least a year and that scares me a lot. I am so used to being able to do things for myself and the fear of all that could go wrong terrifies me. I am both an obsessive planner and a fatalist and that’s a bad, bad combo.

The past year or so I’ve tried to create a life situation for myself that will make it easier on me: I’ve been doing work that is less heavy-vision intensive or screen-based. I’ve been teaching more. I am much better about aggressive self-care, even when it means I have to remove myself from things I want to do, and opportunities I want to be a part of. I don’t know if it’s enough. I don’t know what *is* enough.

So, anyway, I will know soon enough what the next year or so will bring for me and my eyeball journey. Fingers crossed.






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