Pushing forward … with gratitude

There’s this thing called a “Passion Planner” which is like a cross between a diary, a daily planner, and a life coach, where you can make write down your life goals and dreams in 1,3, and 5 year increments and start making plans to carry them through.

I got one last year and I really enjoyed the process of thinking through my goals… though life threw me several curveballs and I didn’t get to do all that I wanted. (Except that Sole Heiress EP.) I got one this year, and again life threw me a curveball when it looked like a cornea transplant was going to be in my near future. So I filled out my Passion Planner and my #1 goal for my three-year plan was “don’t go blind”

That was a bit of a shorthand, and perhaps a bit glib, but my meaning was, I planned to make my managing my eye health a priority, so I could tackle the other things on my list, and especially my three year plan. I was terrified about what a transplant could mean for disrupting my life as a freelancer but also scared of further progression of the keratoconus taking away my autonomy and my ability to work.

But it looks like that bad news about my cornea is not quite as bad as first believed.In the short term, I’ll be getting scleral lenses soon and  in the near future corneal crosslinking (CXL) is a consideration to slow down the progress of the keratoconus at least now I don’t have to think about a good chunk of my 2016 being focused on that surgery and the recovery. I will still be thinking about daily care and accessibility, though because it will still be an issue. Those scleral lenses are PRICY, and I also hear they are kind of a pain in the ass to wear, but they should help my eyesight. And I’ll still have my 200 types of eyedrops and such but I’m used to that.

I’m … OK! Like for real. I’m so grateful for all the wonderful people in my life who have to hear me bitch about this daily and still want to talk to me. But I’m also feeling better about how I am going to live, and that I don’t have to approach kc like it’s this black cloud following me around, making my life suck, daily. I feel like I got an extra bit of time to really be more thoughtful, more mindful about how I live with this, so I will gladly take it, with gratitude.


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